did you get engaged???
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
