just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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