I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I love you. Go after that dick
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
