Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
