I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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