the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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