shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Can I color on your dick again?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
