No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
my liver is dry heaving
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
