I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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