I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
