it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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