haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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