I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
