He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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