btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
