I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
