tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
