Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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