So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize