Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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