Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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