He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
