just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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