I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
