can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
