I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
