I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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