god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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