I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
