if you like me you must not know who I am
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
