i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
