i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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