it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
