Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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