I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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