I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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