He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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