textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
