like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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