:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
