i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
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When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
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I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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