Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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