I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
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