I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
