It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
