Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
