well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
