Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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