She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
