this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
