I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
