I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
