you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
