FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
