White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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