I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
smell my finger.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
