How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
